Uncovering the Mysteries of Barkham Asylum

Alright, let’s talk about this… uh… Barkham Asylum place. Sounds like a real mess, if you ask me. Like, a real doggone mess. Kids these days, always getting into somethin’.

So, this Barkham Asylum, it’s like a jail, but for… well, not regular bad guys, I guess. Super-villains, they call ‘em. Like, fellas who dress up in funny suits and cause trouble. And their dogs! Can you believe it? Dogs of bad guys! That’s what this “Barkham Asylum” is about. Crazy, right?

• Super-villains and their dogs
• Not your regular jail
• Sounds like a whole lot of trouble

Now, they say this place is supposed to help these fellas get better. You know, like, fix their heads. But from what I hear, it ain’t doin’ a lick of good. In fact, it sounds like it makes ‘em worse. Can you imagine? Sendin’ someone off to get fixed and they come back meaner than a snake! That ain’t right.

This whole thing, it reminds me of that time old man Fitzwilliam’s prize-winning pig got loose. We tried everything to catch him, built a fancy new pen and all, but he just kept breakin’ out, gettin’ muddier and angrier each time. Finally, we just had to let him roam free. Maybe that’s what they should do with these super-villain fellas and their dogs, huh? Just let ‘em loose. Probably cause less trouble that way.

They got this one fella, the “Clown Prince of Crime” they call him. Sounds like a real piece of work. And his dog? Well, nobody likes him in this Barkham place. Being the bad guy’s dog don’t get you no friends, I guess. Poor mutt probably just wants a bone and a good scratch behind the ears, but he’s stuck in this crazy house with all the other loons. It ain’t right, I tell ya. It ain’t right.

And get this, they say some of Batman’s worst enemies, they got that way because of this Barkham place. Like, they went in kinda bad, and came out real, real bad. So, what’s the point of this place then? Sounds like a school for bad guys, teachin’ ‘em how to be worse. If you ask me, they need to shut the whole thing down. Tear it right down to the ground. Build somethin’ useful instead. Like a good, sturdy hen house, or maybe a bigger pickle factory. Now, that’s somethin’ a town can use.

Then there’s talk about missions and chandeliers fallin’ and hostages and whatnot. Sounds like a whole heap of unnecessary drama, if you ask me. Why can’t folks just settle things down peaceful-like? Like, with a nice cup of tea and a slice of apple pie. That’s how we used to do things back in my day. No fancy gadgets or super powers needed. Just good old common sense and a strong hand to shake. But nooo, these super-villains gotta go around causing chaos and mayhem. And their dogs right along with them!

From what I gather, there’s only one way this whole Barkham Asylum thing ends. But then they say there’s somethin’ extra after that, a “cutscene” they call it. Sounds like a movie to me. All this hocus pocus, I swear. You gotta do somethin’ special to see it though. Like completin’ these “side missions.” Sounds like a whole lotta work just to see a little extra bit of the story. Me? I’d rather just get to the end and be done with it. Ain’t got time for all that extra fluff.

So, this Barkham Asylum, it’s a place for super-villains and their dogs. It’s supposed to help them, but it just makes them worse. It’s full of crazy folks and dangerous situations. And, if you ask me, it’s a waste of time and money. They should just close it down and be done with it. That’s what I think.

There you have it. My two cents on this whole Barkham Asylum business. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on my chickens. They’re probably gettin’ into mischief, just like those super-villains and their darn dogs.